February 20, 2009
i was at a friends house and there was dirt on my palm. i went to the sink to get it off and i could feel a really big blister right in the center of my hand, the more i washed my hands the bigger i realized it was. i started picking at it and ended up peeling a whole layer of my skin off. but it wasn't just on my palm, it was like a mold of my whole hand, and with it my index finger came off. it had been disconnected from my hand the whole time and when i removed the blister it came too. so i had 4 fingers and immediately i knew that this meant i could never make anything anymore. i tried to put my finger back on but even with it back on my hand and fingers couldn't bend or work correctly. oh i was so sad. and so shocked, this wasn't the plan for my life!!! i wanted to be okay with this, and be okay that i could never write or draw or create ever again. i cried so much in my dream. sitting on my knees and just looking at this finger that was no longer a part of my body. everyone said it was okay, the lord has a different plan for you, and i said i know i'm okay with whatever happens. but i wasn't. i was not okay with it as many times as i repeated it out loud and to myself. i woke up in sweat.
at 9:26 AM