May 31, 2010

boring short ones

i dont remember much of any of these but i feel like i had a million dreams last night.


i was at school and we were having class in one room all together in the basement. i had tripped on something out in the hall earlier that day and broke my left wrist. i had a blue cast. my teacher kept giving me attitude and saying that i was a no good kid and the reason why i broke my arm is because i didnt care about school enough. i tried to stand up for myself but my teacher was giving me the silent treatment and i no matter what i said i just looked like a complete idiot.


i was in a grocery store with my mom and dad. we were all fighting and really hostile towards each other. my dad told me i couldn't go back to school in the fall because it was too expensive and food wasn't, and shouldn't be a necessity. i saw this one column of food and there was a piece of paper with my name on it. it was a letter that said i had received a scholarship from the school and all this food was free and mine so everything would be okay. i read it over 3 times to make sure it said what i thought it did. i tried to get my dad to come over and read it but he kept yelling at me and saying that i needed to grow up. and i couldn't get my point across and it was so frustrating. my mom came over and tried to get us to work things out but she wouldn't read the letter either and i was just completely upset and done with them. i tried to leave but my mom kept saying i needed to understand where my dad was coming from.


i was going to australia with friends and joe and i were supposed to be sitting near each other. my mom bought the tickets all weird to save money and when i looked at my ticket i was taking 4 flights to get over there, and each layover was an entire day long. so i would be getting there way later than everyone else. joe tried to get me some chips but they didn't have any at this one place and he ended up missing the flight. i was sitting in between two morbidly obese people and i could feel myself in real life being smooshed and uncomfortable.

May 26, 2010

music video

i was rollerblading down the street with headphones on and there was a song that was playing really loud. the lyrics were "i was a freaky dude, what can i say. mom did all my laundry, dad put them away. i was a freaky dude this much is true, blaksdjfasdfj asldfkjsdf"

i kept thinking 'how did i not just get hit by a car at that intersection' every time i went through one without looking.

the song was by marky mark and it was called 'freaky dude'. it was like a story about him growing up and rearranging his closet every time he got sick of it. and then when he moved out he still rearranged it sometimes for when he would come back and visit his mom. and then i saw the music video and it was like marky marks closet throughout the ages and i saw what kinds of clothes he had and one time he owned 30 grey hoodies that were all the same.

i feel weird about this dream.

May 25, 2010

too much rain

i am laying in bed thinking about lamps.
and future bedrooms
and the importance of a desk
and old quilts that i hope get passed down to me
and how love at its simplest form is equally as powerful and true as complex love.

it is 5:30 am
i have a presentation in 4 hours
i should be sleeping.

May 24, 2010


i was in someones house and martha stuart was there. but she looked like oprah winfrey, but i knew it was martha. my friend told her that the combination of butter and sugar was a great combination but all we had were peanut butter and eggs. her face lit up and she ran downstairs. i followed her to the basement. she had three HUGE tupperwares full of cookies and treats and when she wasn't looking i tried one and it was delicious. then i saw a dumpster full of rotten bananas being dumped into a lake and i didn't know what that meant. i went into a closet and found all these old art nouveau books. i tried to hold a bunch but they were too heavy. my mom told me to bring all the mattresses upstairs to throw away. there were 4. i tried to convince her that i would need one at school but then she said it would be okay and that the fruit bundle i had was rotten but i could get another one at the store. i looked down and she was right. i was holding a lot of different kinds of fruit and it was terrible and rotten and i had to throw it away. i was very upset and i couldn't stop saying ''the field trip is RUINED, MOM''


i was in this cabin sort of thing with katie and alex and we were preparing ourselves to go outside. to the alternate universe. it is dangerous out there. gravity shifts without asking. each of us have jobs in the outside world. we go out the door. we are outside. it looks like one very large room and there is a ceiling and walls. everything is made of metal and has plastic nobs and buttons in different sizes. katie and i float heavily to this one cylinder and sit inside of it. we begin frantically pushing the buttons and colors light up inside of them. we are pushing the same ones over and over. alex floats down to us. he is wearing a spacesuit but no helmet. he is floating above us. his job is to push one specific button on the ceiling. he did it already. we decide to go back inside because our jobs are done. we're talking about this alternate universe with each other. wondering what we would be doing in real life at the very same moment. we find someone familiar and we sit down next to them. after a few minutes of talking to them about our new lives. they say '"really though, how high are you guys.''

then our eyes adjust and we are sitting in a food court. and we are wearing plastic tubes and weird costumes. we realize that it is not an alternative universe at all and but actually a shopping mall. we laugh about it. a lot. because we are high.

May 20, 2010

halfway lucid

i was in a tower in my bed and when i went to sleep there were two of us but when i woke up there was only me with a note on my pillow that said. "went for a walk. as i'm writing this you are asleep and you are all pouts which makes me want to kiss you but i don't want to wake you up so i am resisting. look for me outside the window.'' i go to the window and i see him far away. i think oh thats about a 45 minute walk. but then i remember another way. i climb out of my window and look down. i slide my legs on the side of the house and slide down the tower. however i turn my hips very slightly i can change the way my body slides. i stay very stiff and float down the side of my house. raising my hips i float upwards over the hill and down left and right until i get to alex. he said he found a bunch of my friends that had been visiting. most of them left except one small boy who ran atop the hill towards the tower when a lion had eaten all the townspeople. i didn't know what that meant or anything at all but i went along with it.

we met up with my friends in a field near a gas station parking lot. the survivors from the attack. they were talking about it all, being attacked and everything. i told them that sleeping outside is a dangerous thing unless you are in new zealand because there aren't any animals that are dangerous. jacob told me i didn't know what i was talking about because sleeping in the ocean is a very dangerous thing. i decided none of the boys would listen to what i was saying so i would go sit on a bench where emily and betsy and meghan were. i lifted my feet up and started soaring over to them. i found out the straighter i made my body the faster i went as well. i learned different things i could do to control the speed and movements testing them out in the parking lot and showing meghan who was really interested. i could get really close to a building and then lift my hip just a tiny bit and then stiffen my body and zoom around the corner of the building. it was a really interesting feeling.

i flew over our tower and across the city and around a sports area, which was really busy so i decided to land in a seat so i wouldn't have to pay for a ticket but could still watch the game. i went down the stairs and saw that two of my friends were there eating candies from a vendor. i said hi to them, i looked behind the vendor and saw that there was a bookshelf. right about this time is when i realized i was dreaming. i almost woke up and i could feel my brains eye opening but i squeezed it real tight so i would remain asleep. i made up titles for all the books and i saw one that was blurry and i couldn't make out the title of it so i thought 'this book is going to have the title THESE DRUGS MAKE YOUR TONGUE SEE WORDS WHEN YOU LICK THEM" the book was really thick and i went through and tried to find a page with a photo on it that i liked so i could lick it. i could feel the weight of the book in my hands and i didn't like that so i put it back.

i heard music playing and decided i would go and find out where it was coming from. there was a man in a small room playing a piano. it was a really nice song. i went down a level and there were two men in this room each playing piano. they were practicing for something. i decided i was bored in there so i went down the stairs and out to the smokers place and started to walk home. my friends brother said he was going to leave as well. we started walking along the outside of the arena. it was really dark and the gravel was fun to kick around. he was telling me about how his dad was a really good man but was a little off sometimes. we saw a cops headlights and stopped walking. then we started running. we ran out of the gate and a string of 8 or 9 flashy sports cars sped by us on the gravel. painted blue and red mostly. the drivers were doing donuts in the parking lots and playing chicken with each other and yelling out their windows at us. but i was not scared.

we got home to this guys house and i met his father. his father was nice but his head seemed like he was in another place. i looked at him and somehow our brains connected for a second. i got an image in my head of these two faces merging together. the profiles were facing each other but a little off set. one mans mustache flowed into the other to take the place of the other mans nose. the second mans nose was where a mouth would be. then i looked again and the mustache was actually an eyebrow. the whole thing was like an optical illusion. and very hard to see. i realized that i was going to forget this image when i woke up so i tried to draw it on a piece of cardboard. the dad said it would ruin everything and tried to get me to stop. i left the room and decided to go swimming. after swimming for a second and then realizing i had to go to the bathroom in real life i woke up.

May 19, 2010

miss miss miss


textile design mood board


in a museum on a field trip. then we sat down and talked about art classes and being an art major. this girl who was a sophomore said that she was already in drawing 5 and i hadn't even ever seen her before so how was she that good. because last year she was not an art major and then she showed us her stuff and it wasn't even good and i was thinking 'this really sucks'. then sarah's boyfriend andrew came around and he was really nice and was holding a pig and petting it. every time he lifted his hand up he had a strip of bacon in his hand. and we all thought 'oh how nice, he is so kind to animals that they are giving him meat and no one gets hurt or anything'. also he brought two puppies with him and i thought man this guy is really nice.

moon term

i was at hope college and everyone was packing up to head home and go on may terms and things. this boy who i don't know was borrowing my car and i had to ask him if he would give it back to me but he started driving it in reverse really fast so i followed him. i had to hurry up because i was going to the moon with marlee for may term. we were so excited because it was really cheap and we got to spend the whole month in space except that i didn't know what to pack or anything. i had a plastic vacuum cleaner i was putting all this makeup in so that it would stay air tight compressed once we were out in space. and marlee and i were packing all of our clothes in space bags.


lizzy and i were the only people at school for a week and there was a cafeteria here and they served us gourmet vegan food every meal and we were eating like queens. Then everyone came back and they gave us gyros one meal and said that it was vegetarian but my whole entire thing was full of meat. So I went to the back bar and starting picking out the meat and trying to make the sandwich okay for me to eat. There were three dirty girls in the back and they were bullying me and one of them took my phone which was really high tec and tiny because i got it for christmas. it was smaller than a penny and i said 'be careful with that okay' and she started throwing it down on the table and saying 'yeah, sure thing' so i said no really stop doing that but i couldnt get the phone away from her because i had meat all over my hands. then i went to the table and sat down because i was nervous. i remembered i left my soda over by the table but my friend said i shouldnt get it because they probably roofied it.

May 11, 2010


i was back in the united states. alex, eric and ethan were in a dinosaur museum and i was going to meet them there. the museum had 4 floors and each one the bones got bigger and bigger. i never made it to the 4th floor where they were supposed to be HUGE because i tripped over a wire and had to finish an art project with my teacher. then i went outside and i was near the street. and i saw alex coming out of the place and i walked up the steps to meet him with eric who left when he saw me. alex squinted in my direction because i was alone and probably looked different. i assumed he couldnt figure out if it was me or not. he were wearing a yellow jacket. or maybe i was. one of us was wearing yellow. when we got to each other i hugged him so tight. the tightest hug and neither of us said anything. we just sat down on the soggy snowy steps and held each other and my face was so cold. he kissed me but we both decided against it because our lips were as cold as icicles and it almost was too painful. so we just held each other tighter. then it started raining and we were going to go somewhere with everyone but i decided to walk there by myself instead of ride in the car with them because new zealand had made me really over the top green. so i walked through a restaurant because it was the quickest way to get there. i went under a table and through someone's legs and i could hear them talking about me but i didn't care. i was walking really slow because it was so windy and it was taking me forever to get across the street.
i saw my friend marlee and she was waving me over to see some girl that we used to babysit. when i was walking over to them i looked at another girl sitting down on a bench. she called me an idiot assuming i didn't know what the girl looked like after 10 years. i said of course i know what she looks like. i asked her what grade she was in and she said she was a junior. i said what are you going to do with yourself! she asked what to do you mean. i said you know, college and stuff. then a lady came over to me with a stern face and a slip or red paper that was a demerit. the reason issued on the card read 'false assuming child will become successful'. and i felt really bad and also noticed that i was going to get three points on my drivers license for that.
the next thing i knew i was in a house with this boy from my high school and i was making muffins with no pants on. eric and alex were talking in the other room, but neither of them ever came out i just heard their voices. and this kid who i never actually knew in high school and i were small talking and i kept thinking 'why am i doing this. i want to be in the other room, why am i in the kitchen right now." then i woke up because i was cold

May 10, 2010

scary scary scary

i was at this house and these two children were playing outside. we were exploring in their backyard and they were looking for a football that they had lost. then we went around this corner and scary music was in my head and i got a really bad feeling about everything so i said we should go back. when we got back in the house there were maybe 50 people sitting in the living room just waiting around for something. what had happened was this infamous demon came and took over one of these girls. she was dead and i looked at her but then she opened her eyes and her limbs had grown to fit the demon inside of her. she was only partway herself but she was moaning and screaming because her body now had two bodies inside of it and i can't imagine how painful that would have been. i got really scared and i woke myself up.

May 03, 2010

pen pals

emily henry and i were pen pals and she sent me a photo once of these two toddlers and the caption on the back of the photo said ''this is a photo of two twins at my church. one of them has a rare syndrome which causes them to be cuter than the other, as you can see in this image." and it was true and i thought that was interesting. then i sent her a letter back at it had a photo of my dog having a picnic with other dogs. and they all had writing on their backs saying i miss dusti. that was my dogs name but she died. but in my dream she was alive and at the picnic. and also her name was dusty. the dogs were really cute.

May 02, 2010


in my dream i had to run from eastern hills down through manlius and then back up fm road up to the high school and around the tennis courts and then back to eastern hills. with a huge weight on my hips that went around my body and i was really doing it and doing pretty well. i was talking to johnny depp, addressing him and giving him advice on something which was weird because i was completely alone. the weight kept pulling my shorts off because it was so heavy and i felt like i was running in slow motion but i really did the whole run and i felt good afterwards.


i had a ticket in my hand. i was walking with two of my friends from high school, jordan and kathleen. we were excited because we were going to the packaging factory and today was fruit loops day. there was this myth around my school that if you go to the factory to take a tour on days where they package cereal, you can trick the workers into thinking that you have an internship there and can use the machinery. when we got to the factory it was packed. the conveyer belt was in front of us and we could see a bunch of people from my school riding on it and eating cereal. and that is exactly what we wanted to do. so we had someone slow it down to normal speed so we could climb on and since no guard or worker was around we all got on the conveyor belt. someone turned the speed up so it was like we were on a mini roller coaster ride, going through the whole factory and at one part we even were outside. and we just got to eat all the fruit loops we wanted. pretty soon the place was packed with kids from my school and we were all having so much fun on this belt and then i got dizzy from too much sugar so i got off. and good thing because right afterwards, a man from the headquarters came over to the belt and turned it down to normal speed and everyone that was on the belt got in trouble and had to work for the company for real.


i was in a building at work. i think it was a library but it might have been something more than that i cant figure it out. i worked with joe guarding this one hallway making sure that only people with legit IDs got into the building. it was connected to some other building, where our hallway was and where we worked. so you walked through these locked doors to get to where we would ID you and then you would walk down the stairs and then up the stairs and get to this really big main room where all the books and cubicles were. we were standing in the hallway one morning. it was around 4AM. a man came through with tools and a watering can and we let him through. he had been there before watering the plants so we knew he was okay. then about 30 minutes later he came back through just like he always did, when he passed us Joe said something like 'we should get this guy out of here'. it was like joe knew or something that this guy was up to no good. he walked through our doors and just as they were sliding shut to lock i see the guy slowly pull a gun out of his coat and raise it to the ceiling. he keeps walking down the hallway past us and is now in the other building that we are connected to. we hear him shoot the gun twice, we guess it was at someone. alarms go off and we are flat on the ground. the guy is gone but we are still nervous that he is going to come back. we leave our post and go down to the main room and hide near a bunch of metal drawers. no one knows whats going on. i wake up

May 01, 2010


i was in wellington but hope colleges senior juried art show was in town so i went so i could see evans stuff because i really wanted to see his things. i walked around 3 separate rooms full of student work and it was all nice except there were no lights on so it was really hard to see anyones stuff. i saw something joe made a few years ago that was hanging up on the wall. i also saw some works with my name on it except i had no memory of ever making those things and i'm pretty sure they weren't mine. i never found evans stuff but in the other room i saw a turquoise ring that was really nice and i was about to buy it but then there was a fire alarm so i had to go outside and it was very windy and i had no idea how to get home.