September 30, 2009


i forgot to grab them when they were floating away
so i don't remember any this morning
but i did find that i took my socks off in my sleep last night
and threw them across the room

September 29, 2009

big wishes

i was sitting in a room with my two friends abby and sarah talking about how cold it was outside. there was a bunny on the bed sitting next to me. i kept picking it up and saying "look, i'm a bunny" i looked outside the window and there was snow everywhere. there was also a fox outside looking through the window at me. he was sad that he was outside in the cold and not inside under blankets with us. next i was holding hands with alex and we walked down these stairs and started making this huge bouquet volcano out of ripped up pieces of love letters everyone in the world had ever written. our hands were moving so fast making this. people kept coming up to me and saying my that is pretty. then i saw a video of myself in a coat and scarf. i remember saying out loud "in my dreams i own a yellow coat". the sound of my own voice woke me up.

September 28, 2009

the go getter

i had a dream last night
maybe you had it too
it could have passed through our feet.

September 22, 2009


i was taking all these stupid pictures of nothing with my camera and then got really upset because i remembered that it wasn't a digital camera and that i had just wasted a whole roll of film.
cool dream huh.

September 18, 2009


i was in a big kitchen at meijer, i think it was my job or something. regardless, i was there and we were making garlic cheese breadsticks to be packaged and sold. i was sitting on a stool. i didn't know anyone else there besides my friends adam and eric. only eric was a combination of two people- my friend eric and a boy i went to high school with named jeremy. i was talking with one of the other employees and i was thinking about how handsome he was. then he admitted to me that him and his wife are meth heads and if you do the percentages in small doses its not as dangerous as a drug as people give it credit for. i kept thinking wow, maybe this guy is right because his face isn't messed up at all, i mean, he's still really attractive. he said him and his wife just take a little before bed every night and its okay. then adam and eric started fighting and i tried to get them to stop but they had been fighting like this all day. i didn't know what to do and they stood up from their chairs and started pushing each other around. both of them whipped out a knife. adam stabbed eric in the leg but i didn't see that happen because there was no blood or puncture. then eric/jeremy duo sliced adam in the throat and it was so scary and there were pieces of skin on his little blade and i wanted to throw up. adam said it was okay and i held his hand and then all of the sudden his eyes got really big and he looked scared. eric/jeremy got nervous too and started whimpering, i kept yelling at everyone to call 911 but they were just standing there. i put adam on the ground and held his hand and yelled for help so loud and for so long. i think i freaked myself out in real life because i woke up really startled.

then i went back to sleep and i was in a car with marlee telling her about this dream i just had. she was sitting there listening and then she missed a right turn, but we were in the farthest left hand land so she cut a lane and tried to make the turn but we got hit by a car?

then i woke up again and i just decided not to go back to sleep because my dreams lately are really bothering me and i didn't want to have another one like that.

September 17, 2009


we were at hope college but hope college looked different than we were used to, it was a different location. i think it might have been at a hotel. i was still amandas roommate. it was really hot outside i remember and i wanted to wear a dress but i didn't have any because i sold them all at my dorm sale. so i went into our mini walk in closet thing and said ''amanda what do you have for me today'' and i found this really cute dress that was a halter top and it was light pink and terry cloth and i said oh this will be perfect because we are going to the beach today/or swimming/or something. and then i went in the bathroom and tried to go but people kept walking in on me and there wasn't a lock so i said "i'm in hereee" in one of those sing song voices but what you're basically saying is ''get the fuck ou--outtttt" so then we went into this hallway and i saw amanda and said ''is this okay?" and she said "to be honest, no its not because the last week you've worn so many of my clothes and i really wanted to wear that today and i hate that you wear my things without asking me first." and i said okay thats understandable, i'm sorry but really--i dont have anything else to wear so just this once okay. and she said ''to be honest i really hate being your roommate" and i said ""

then a bunch of us were outside, like our whole school and it turns out we had been on a weekend field trip somewhere and the busses were getting ready to leave. i realized i had to pee really bad before we left and so i went running through the hotel looking for a bathroom. i ran for about 4 minutes straight in my dream, jumping over people and turning corners, i finally found this one lobby where there were two family bathrooms. one said ''whites only'' and one said ''blacks only'' there had been a girl running with me this whole time and she went into the whites only bathroom and i said okay i hope i don't get in trouble for this. and went into the blacks only bathroom. then some lady opened the door on me and said ''girl what the FUCK are you doing in here'' and i said ''i know i'm not black, but i have to pee and i thought it would be okay because it was the only one, i'm sorry''

then we were back at hope college and we were on 14th street. and it was night time i remember because everyone was outside looking at the sky and it was purple and the stars were yellow and the moon was blue and it was really pretty. then i got a call from jacob on my cell phone and he said ''come over to my house. i really want to see you." and i said really? and he said yes i think its time we hung out. its been a really long time. and so i was all excited and i went over there and there were a bunch of dudes. i sat on that big couch with ethan and we were just sitting there watching everyone hanging out and it was really chaotic in there. i was wondering where jacob was because he invited me to hang out. i was getting kind of frustrated that i was there and he was not. then the door to erics room opens up and this girl comes out. brown hair she is probably like 5 feet tall, kind of pretty. and she does not have a shirt on and she has this HUGE scratch mark on her back from fingernails and she walked into the living room and slowly and casually put on this nude colored leotard and all the boys were like ''ooooo.....yikes'' and i looked back at erics room and saw jacob in there for a second and he was putting his shirt back on. and then ethan goes. "wait ...what the fuck is going on" under his breath and i wanted to vomit out my heart and jacob looked at me and said 'thanks for coming over i just wanted you to see that' i stood up and said I need to leave, this is all so stupid and dumb. where are sarah and abby. where are my friends. get me out of here. and all the boys were whispering. and i just felt so STUPID.

this dream sucked.

September 15, 2009


i had a dream this summer that i went to see a dermatologist. and it happened to be whoopi goldberg. and i said wow yeah why are you this profession now, do you not get acting jobs anymore? i feel like you were reallly big in the 90s and then everyone forgot about how funny you were. she said girl, i know did you even SEE ME IN SISTER ACT 2, COME ON. and we laughed and laughed and she put this nice cold lotion on my face and no more zits


sleep talking is really weird
so is sleep farting

September 14, 2009

carmel blister

in a field at a house of someone that didn't know. i had a blister on the bottom of my foot. i picked up my heel to look at it and it was probably 2 inches in diameter. it had already popped and i lifted up the flap of skin. it was very disgusting. it was fairly clean right near where the hole was, but when i lifted up the skin i could see back into it and there was some sort of carmel substance that was really sticky. it made me want to vomit, but i was really interested in looking at it some more. so i did.

September 13, 2009


i was in my bedroom and in my dream my friend sarah johnson came over and made me tons of miniature puppets to put up in my room. little creatures with very long necks, and the puppet itself was interesting in that when you put it up on the wall it turned into a polaroid of the puppet, but as soon as you took it off the wall, it was a real tangible puppet again. i think they were made out of felted wool.

September 12, 2009


in my dream i was trying out for the pull and it was nighttime. there were all these festivities and activities that i had do in order to prove that i was ready to be a "morale girl". there was a wagon full of girls that were sitting and we had to crowd surf over them down the wagon and then continue on to the rest of the race. they were all cheering and holding their hands up until you were ready to crowd surf and then they would get straight faces and be completely still. and i tried to keep jumping on them, but they were hard as rocks and they would whisper really mean things in your ears like how you were going to die, and how you weren't strong enough to be in pull. it was really frustrating and i wished that they would just be nice to me and let me pass. i finally got through somehow and there was a race that we had to run. at certain parts we had to sprint really fast and jump as far as we could. i was running so fast and i as really proud of myself because i was really fast at sprinting.

later on in my dream i was in a house with a bunch of my friends, girls and boys. we lived in this really nice old house and there were probably 20 people living there. there were really nice hooks in the kitchen that we could each hang up our nice tea mugs on, and i was so proud of the way i decorated my room. the woman that lived there before us left the people in my room some treats like old books and stained paper and really nice old vintage clothes and scarves. it was really nice and we had really cool wallpaper that was green like a swamp with dark purple designs on it. it was also sort of see-through and you could see a grid on the wall as well. the lady told us the grid was for us, so that we could see how level paintings and things were when we decided to hang them up. then i found out that luke was my RA, even though we were no longer in college and he told me i couldn't live in that room and that i was banished to a room in the attic. i was really confused because i didn't understand why i had to follow his rules but he made me and i was mad. and my new room sucked and it was an ugly color and i didn't even have a bed.

September 10, 2009

slept on the futon

in my dream i had my desk out on our screened in front porch with all my possessions inside of it and shelves with my past notebooks and sketchbooks and art projects and loves. i woke up in the middle of the night and heard a bunch of people outside our house at 3 in the morning. i opened the door and saw that they were looking at my stuff, holding my clothes and my dresser and meercat in their hands. filtering through my journals and collecting things for themselves. i said no you cannot do this, thank you. please leave. they said since they had touched it and there was no sign that said hands off, that it was theirs to take. i said okay. okay. deep breath. yeah okay, i guess i can live without these things, just wait do you have my. NO YOU CANNOT TAKE THIS ART ITS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING MADE AND I NEED IT. i need this stuff to work on. the lady said she liked it and she wanted to use it in her house, and i said thats not even possible because its not finished yet, you haven't seen the finished product. i was screaming now, they couldn't take my supplies and unfinished things with them. i needed those in my life. with me. they took everything and suddenly i was at the house i lived in over the summer looking at the porch. it was filled with painting and drawing easels, with a sign that said ''please remove these things by september 15th, or else you will not get your rent deposit back. love, your landlord". i was pissed because i had to clean everything and plus, none of this was even ours. lindsey appeared out of thin air with a sign she made for a yard sale so we could make money off our landlord.

my phone buzzed. i got a text message. i woke up. i went back to sleep.

in my new dream i was on campus outside with my friends. we were in a space pod and kept all of our bikes inside of it. we were on a field trip of some sort. everything was really green but our teacher warned us that it was dangerous outside. rabies was running loose and our mission was to get to safety without injuring ourselves or others, and warn the civilians of the danger. santino from project runway was also in my class, and he left with me and a group of two other students. i opened the door and it had snowed the night before and i did not have shoes on. the grass was really cold and i had to run a long distance. clearly, i was pissed. wolves came out of the woods at us, santino told us to act like dogs and just lay on the ground. the two other students pretended they were trees. i ran like mad. i found this house in the middle of campus. the door was unlocked. i ran up the stairs inside and told the people they needed to get all the mirrors they could together. they had 4, two were about the size of a quarter so i said, fuck that-those don't count. just come to the window and hold them up to push the werewolves away. we all did. outside the window you could see the pine grove but it had been demolished and what was left was only bare ground that was now dirt. also there was an arena. there was a huge dog that was probably the size of a dinosaur in this arena barking and growling at people and trying to bite everything in its way. fleck and ethan were in charge of taking this dog down. they had tranquilizers that they were stabbing at the dogs neck and jumping on his back and legs. finally the dog dropped to the ground with a big thud and we were back at the space pod with our bikes. i tried to get my bike out of the pod so i could ride it but the handle bars got stuck in the door and i ripped them off. i spent the next five minutes trying to screw them back on but had no luck.

September 09, 2009


i was in a field and there was a cylinder tube probably 7 feet in length that i was holding. it was grey and looked sort of like a pez dispenser, except that it was circular. i had someone hold it and i stood away from it. from the hole of the cylinder a bunny launched gracefully onto my chest and i held it and pet it and then put it down and it hopped away. then another bunny did the same thing, and another one after that as well. this kept going for awhile. each bunny looked exactly the same as the one before, little and cute.

September 08, 2009


my dreams are milky lately. i have them and i remember them while i am dreaming, but when i wake up there is a thick layer of white over my memories. this makes it very difficult to remember anything more than a few short seconds.

September 03, 2009


i spent my entire dream calling people asking them to give my mom directions so that she could find me.

September 01, 2009

little tinky sounds

i was in a large room standing in line for something. i had not yet figured out what the something was yet. i was very confused and kept looking around but only saw a room with cement floors and white walls and pretty lighting and lots of people. some form of gallery. the line moved and a woman asked for my ticket. i began to say i didn't have one but we both looked down at my hand and saw that i was holding a ticket. it was red. i reached out and gave it to the woman. she asked me if i wanted anything to drink and i got a glass of some kind of alcohol. and asked her what we were all doing there. she looked at me funny. i turned around and before me was a very long table, probably 12 feet long. it was full of xylophones and other bell instruments, some drums and things that make little tinky sounds. sigur ros and chris martin from coldplay were behind this table playing the instruments. the music they were making sounded like little baby birds learning how to fly. i thought, how cool, i am front row at this concert. i said that aloud and no one seemed to feel the same enjoyment as i did, because they were all quiet. i walked around and saw my friend mike sitting on a red couch that was really low to the ground. the kind that make it hard to get out of when you want to stand back up. we shook hands and he said how crazy is this, huh. i said yes. i went back to the front of the stage and listened to more tinky bird music.