April 03, 2009

mountain dew baby

my brother and i were driving in florida on the highway and he wanted to stop at a gas station and get a drink, so i stopped and he got one. joe gets back in the car and puts his drink in the cup holder. i look at it closely and realize there is a baby inside of the bottle. just a little fetus floating around in the mountain dew. i said joe what the heck, don't you know what this means. you have female organs inside of you somehow or else how else would you give birth to a baby if you are a boy, even though its a virgin birth. but he said no, i bought it and i didn't realize it was in there. so we showed some man at another rest stop, he said it wouldn't be healthy for the baby to keep soaking in the mountain dew into it's bloodstream, so he pulled the baby out by its head and we took it out and put it in a water bottle, because water is good for babies. then the baby grew to be a normal sized baby and we took it out of the water and i held him and he was so cute and snuggly like a little bear. and i wanted to hold him forever. i decided to take care of the baby and adopt him and raise him. i kept yelling, don't worry about it, i'm a single mother in college raising money so i can support my child.