March 04, 2010

ehh weird

ok in my dream i woke up and looked at an email thread between alex and i and alex had written like 10 different emails all saying weird things. and i just thought he was bored so i laughed about it. then later on we were at my church in one of the rooms where the kids closets are and he was happy to see me but also it looked like he was uncomfortable about something. and he kept trying to play it cool and act like everything was normal. i didnt really know what was wrong at all.

then my flat mate amanda and i were in the car with him and we were driving to holland michigan. but i was wearing a sports bra on my left foot and just like clothes i wore to yoga. he just appeared where we were and said lets go! so we just got in the car and didn't pack anything to wear or eat or bring because we were so excited. i just kept saying BUT LOOK AT WHAT IM WEARING. and he just smiled a lot. we had one loaf of bread in the backseat.

when we were in the car amanda disappeared for a little bit and alex and i were driving over these big green hills and we saw there were a bunch of ski lifts and gondola type things all over the place. like every 50 yards there was another ski lift and it took the people over the hills and we wondered what it was that they were looking at. and then i saw out the window that it was tulip fields and the tulips were HUGE and so colorful. i got really excited and said lets do it!!! lets go on the gondola thing. but he got nervous again and said no. no i dont think we should do that. and i said hey how come, that doesn't seem like you. normally you like doing stuff like this.

then all of the sudden we were in a house and he was sitting at the kitchen table but it wasn't him. it was my dad. but it was still alexs voice. and he said that he needed to confess something to me. that he had gotten really drunk awhile ago and had a breakdown and smoked laced weed on purpose and that he haven't been the same since because of this mental collapse. he said no one wanted to tell me because they thought i would be sad and he tried to keep it a secret but it was a really big deal to him that i knew. it was really strange because it was my dad at the table but it was alex still because it was his voice and his thoughts, but in my dads body. i got really uncomfortable and woke myself up.

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