turnip rock, mi

mostly i've done things like this since i've been back in america.

it feels good to see wonder everywhere you go.

coming to america

i have been back in the states for 4 days now. i have been able to sleep for a total of 9 hours since my return. it seems my body has forgotten how to function. this means no dreams. plenty of day dreams though. almost all are about going back to new zealand.

reunions

i was standing on the side of my car leaning against it and had my feet up on the curb balancing myself. alex came around the side and he was wearing a red sweater. we said our hellos and then we turned around and were in a department store isle and he was showing me this chocolate bar that had my name on it. it was kind of bizarre and there was this piece that moved on the bottom of the package. he told me it was an optical illusion but i didn't get it, plus the candy was called the leelee which was just confusing. i looked over in the store and saw a group of people all wearing black outfits. then i saw my dad walk by wearing a red sweater. i told alex i would be right back and went to go say hi to my dad. he was carrying a deformed child and then handed it to someone and hugged me. he looked a few years younger and also a lot happier. there was a man standing behind him also wearing red. which i knew was my dad as well, but a much older more angry version of himself. he looked sad to see me, but more so sad for me to see him like he was. then the dad that i hugged said he had to go back to work but that i should find my mom. she came around the corner and was wearing a red shirt. she looked happy and shorter than i remember her. she told me that the ymca had started doing hot yoga and that she had done it every day for the last 7 weeks. i said get out of town !!! i wanted to find a place to do hot yoga when i got back mom! she took me into the class and it was really weird. there was pumpy music and everyone was dancing in a really hot room and doing yoga inspired dance moves, but it was definitely not hot yoga. but my mom looked so happy doing it i decided just to support her but also sneak out the door. then i went back to the mall and looked in the crowd to find alex in his red sweater sitting where i left him.

hole in the rock

it was one of those bible study parties that my parents always made us go to. we were all going to go kayaking at this place called hole in the rock. and it looked really beautiful, i could see it from where i was standing. it looked like everything was made out of cardboard, like we were on the set of a middle school production, except there were waterfalls and everything had moss on it. the sun was making the rocks shine purple. joe and i were going to be partners and each group got note pads that they could write on. i wanted to bring my camera but i remember thinking joe will probably tip us over and my camera will be ruined. so i brought the note pad instead. i was looking through it and i saw my own handwriting. and i remembered writing that in another dream i had a really long time ago. i showed joe what i wrote and then i flipped the page and i saw his handwriting. it was really neat and also a really weird feeling remembering a dream while i was dreaming. joe jumped off this rock and it all moved and i got that feeling that it was a prop for something again and we were hanging from the ceiling on strings. i'm not sure really. but the lighting was really pretty and i jumped off the rock too onto the cave thing below us and my foot landed in the water but it felt really good and i kept thinking this is going to be a really great day. then my dad gave me a camera that he found. he said it used to be my grandpas but he had dropped it. it was a disposable so i looked at how many exposures were left and it said 500. i took a picture of a muffin on the table and then i wound the film and it said 900 left. my dad wanted to take it back and throw it away but i kept playing with it and then the next time i looked it said 200 and then went back up to 500. it was fun though.

retainer in

i was back in the states and had just seen a lot of people that i loved. we were at some museum and i needed to get something out of my car or go up a few floors so i took the elevator. i got in the elevator and was looking at my feet just like always. i heard someone saying how is this going past floor 4 there are only four to begin with. and all we realized we were going through the roof and that the elevator was broken. everyone got nervous and a lot of people were panicking. the elevator started to tip to the side and i could see the sun setting over a city in the distance. the colors were really bright orange, reds and purples. i was thinking a mile a minute and kept saying please not today i just got back, i haven't even done anything yet. everyone in the elevator was praying and scared. then i thought if i am going to die, if i am really going to be dead i don't want to spend my last moments alive worrying and pleading. so i started saying thank you for this, thank you for that, the color of the sky is really pretty right now. some woman was holding my hand. then all of the sudden we were not in danger anymore. everyone in the elevator realized that it was part of an exhibit and after floating in this elevator for a few more minutes around the city we were returned to the museum in the same elevator shaft that we got in before.

then i was in eastern hills and i saw katie and marlee and cried a lot. we were all hugging each other and we knocked over tables and chairs and ended up rolling around the ground laughing. and i said this is funny but i hope this doesn't really happen when its real because that would hurt.

then i was in another museum on a field trip and i tried eating a colored pencil because it said it was purely made out of fruits and vegetables. but i got a sliver on my tongue and it kind of hurt and felt really weird at the same time. i told my teacher i didn't want to do media studies with my life so i got up and left the field trip and went sledding with no sled outside in the snow.

boring short ones

i dont remember much of any of these but i feel like i had a million dreams last night.

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i was at school and we were having class in one room all together in the basement. i had tripped on something out in the hall earlier that day and broke my left wrist. i had a blue cast. my teacher kept giving me attitude and saying that i was a no good kid and the reason why i broke my arm is because i didnt care about school enough. i tried to stand up for myself but my teacher was giving me the silent treatment and i no matter what i said i just looked like a complete idiot.

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i was in a grocery store with my mom and dad. we were all fighting and really hostile towards each other. my dad told me i couldn't go back to school in the fall because it was too expensive and food wasn't, and shouldn't be a necessity. i saw this one column of food and there was a piece of paper with my name on it. it was a letter that said i had received a scholarship from the school and all this food was free and mine so everything would be okay. i read it over 3 times to make sure it said what i thought it did. i tried to get my dad to come over and read it but he kept yelling at me and saying that i needed to grow up. and i couldn't get my point across and it was so frustrating. my mom came over and tried to get us to work things out but she wouldn't read the letter either and i was just completely upset and done with them. i tried to leave but my mom kept saying i needed to understand where my dad was coming from.

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i was going to australia with friends and joe and i were supposed to be sitting near each other. my mom bought the tickets all weird to save money and when i looked at my ticket i was taking 4 flights to get over there, and each layover was an entire day long. so i would be getting there way later than everyone else. joe tried to get me some chips but they didn't have any at this one place and he ended up missing the flight. i was sitting in between two morbidly obese people and i could feel myself in real life being smooshed and uncomfortable.

music video

i was rollerblading down the street with headphones on and there was a song that was playing really loud. the lyrics were "i was a freaky dude, what can i say. mom did all my laundry, dad put them away. i was a freaky dude this much is true, blaksdjfasdfj asldfkjsdf"

i kept thinking 'how did i not just get hit by a car at that intersection' every time i went through one without looking.

the song was by marky mark and it was called 'freaky dude'. it was like a story about him growing up and rearranging his closet every time he got sick of it. and then when he moved out he still rearranged it sometimes for when he would come back and visit his mom. and then i saw the music video and it was like marky marks closet throughout the ages and i saw what kinds of clothes he had and one time he owned 30 grey hoodies that were all the same.

i feel weird about this dream.

too much rain

i am laying in bed thinking about lamps.

and future bedrooms

and the importance of a desk

and old quilts that i hope get passed down to me

and how love at its simplest form is equally as powerful and true as complex love.

it is 5:30 am

i have a presentation in 4 hours

i should be sleeping.